Anniversary joke – 1th wedding anniversary

Couple funny picture

funny woman vs man

Anniversary joke

Anniversary joke – 1th wedding anniversary

John wants to get his beautiful wife, Emma, something nice for their first wedding anniversary.
So he decides to buy her a mobile telephone.
Emma is excited, she loves her phone.
John shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone.
On Monday Emma goes shopping in the local supermarket.

Her phone rings and it’s her husband:
– ‘Hi ya, Emma, ‘he says, ‘how do you like your new phone?’
– ‘I just love it, it’s so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one feature that I really don’t understand though.’
-‘What’s that, Emma?’ asks the husband.
– ‘How did you know that I was at Wal-Mart?’

Men Women Jokes – The man guide to female english

Men Women funny pic

men women funny pic

Men Women Jokes

Men Women Jokes – The man guide to female english

We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure…Go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not over reacting! = I’ve got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]

Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
Was that the baby?= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Daily clean joke – the mailbox

Clean funny picture

Funny math pic

Daily clean joke

Daily clean joke – the mailbox

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her:
– “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied:
– “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying:
– “You’ve got mail!”

Genie Joke – Make a wish

Genie funny image

funny genie

Genie Joke

Genie Joke – Make a wish

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said:
– “OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said:
– “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said:
– “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel!! No, think of another

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said:
– “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women….know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment….know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’….know how to make them truly happy….”

The genie asked:
-“Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?”

25th wedding anniversary joke

Wedding anniversary funny picture

wedding anniversary funny picture

25th wedding anniversary joke

Sadie and Benny were both 65 years old and were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.

When all the family and guests had left their house, a fairy appeared from nowhere and said to them:
– “Congratulations, you two. I’m here to grant you both one wish each.”
Sadie said, “I want to travel around the world.”

The fairy waved her magic wand and POW – Sadie had tickets in her hand for a round the world cruise on a Cunard liner.

Then the fairy asked Benny what he wanted. Benny replied:
– “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.”

So the fairy picked up her wand and POW – Benny was 95 years old.

Business joke – Young business man

Funny business picture

Funny business picture

Business joke

Business joke – Young business man

A young businessman had just started his own firm.

He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor:
– “Can I help you?”
– “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

Funny smart kid – Joke of the day

Funny kid picture

Funny Kid picture

Joke of the day

Funny smart kid

Johnny stood beside his mother as she made her selection from the huckster’s wagon, and the farmer told the boy to take a handful of cherries, but the child shook his head.
– “What’s the matter? Don’t you like them?” asked the huckster.
– “Yes,” replied Johnny.
– “Then go ahead an’ take some.”

Johnny hesitated, whereupon the farmer put a generous handful in the boy’s cap.

After the farmer had driven on, the mother asked:
– “Why didn’t you take the cherries when he told you to?”
– “‘Cause his hand was bigger’n mine.”

Jokes about woman – Cheminal analysis

Picture about woman

funny woman man picture.jpg

Jokes about woman

Jokes about woman – A Chemical Analysis of woman

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal

Woman Physical Properties

a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Woman Chemical Properties

a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Woman uses

a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it’s too hot.

Woman Tests

a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Woman Caution

a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.