Archive for August, 2011

New year joke – A blonde and her year that just finished

Posted on August 31st, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

New year joke – A blonde and her year that just finished

funny new year image

New year joke

New year joke – A blonde and her year that just finished

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..”duh”…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top was down.

September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.


November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December – Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!!!

WHAT A YEAR !!!

Job interview joke – Interview to be a TV news broadcaster

Posted on August 29th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Job interview joke – Interview to be a TV news broadcaster

job interview funny

Job interview joke

Interview to be a TV news broadcaster

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster.

The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.

The interviewer said:
- Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.

- Oh, that’s no problem, said the man. If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour.

- Show me, said the interviewer

So the man reached into his pocket.

Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety – ribbed, flavoured, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin.

He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.


The interviewer said:
- That’s amazing, but I don’t think we could employ someone who’d be womanizing all over the country.

- Excuse me!, exclaimed the man, I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!

- Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?, asked the interviewer

The man replied:
- Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?

Little boy jokes – A dollar or a quarter?

Posted on August 28th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Little boy jokes – A dollar or a quarter?

funny face

Little boy jokes

Little boy jokes – A dollar or a quarter?

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer:
- This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks
- Which do you want, son?

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

- What did I tell you? said the barber.
- That kid never learns!


Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
- Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?

The boy licked his cone and replied.
- Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!

Jokes for the elderly – The wealthy widower

Posted on August 26th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Jokes for the elderly – The wealthy widower

funny senior image

Jokes for the elderly

Jokes for the elderly – The wealthy widower

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde. She knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club were all aghast.

At the very first chance, they cornered him and asked, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”
Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”


They’re knocked over, but continued to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replied.
“What, did you tell her – that you were only 50?”

Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”

Clean office jokes – Get rid of all slackers

Posted on August 24th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Clean office jokes – Get rid of all slackers

Funny Homeless image

Clean office jokes

Clean office jokes – Get rid of all slackers

A well-known company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
e new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy:
- “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said:
- “I make $400 a week. Why?”

The CEO said:
- “Wait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said:
- “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”


Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked:
- “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said:
“Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

Animals humor – A surprising poodle

Posted on August 23rd, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Animals humor – A surprising poodle

Dog Karate humor

Animals humor

Animals humor – A surprising poodle

Harold’s new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.
The employee said:
-”If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you.”
The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.
Harold says:
-”This small thing, a watch dog? You’re kidding, right?”
The employee says:
- “No, this dog is special; he knows karate.”
- “Karate? I don’t believe it,” Harold says.

The employee puts the dog down and says:
- “Karate the sign.”
And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this.

The employee then says:
- “Karate the chair.”
And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds.
By now Harold is convinced.

- “I’ll take him,” he says.

When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out:
- “This little thing, a watch dog? No way.”
Harold says:
- “But this dog knows karate.”
- “Karate,” she yells. “Karate my ass!”

Humour police – Policeman and a drunk driver

Posted on August 22nd, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Humour police – Policeman and a drunk driver

Funny drunk image

Humour police

Humour police – Policeman and a drunk driver

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

- “I can’t do that, officer.”

- “Why not?”

- “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

- “Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

- “Can’t do that either, officer.”

- “Why not?”

- “Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

- “Alright, we could get a blood sample.”

- “Can’t do that either, officer.”

- “Why not?”

- “Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”


- “Fine then, just walk this white line.”

- “Can’t do that either, officer.”

- “Why not?”

- “Because I’m drunk.”

Blonde brunette and redhead jokes – Robbery

Posted on August 20th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Blonde brunette and redhead jokes – Robbery

joke cartoons

Blonde brunette and redhead jokes

Blonde brunette and redhead jokes – Robbery

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde perform a Post Office robbery.
They are on the run from the police and they have to ditch their car and go cross country.
They are all getting tired and happen across an old farm with a huge barn.
Sneaking inside the barn, they see three old flour sacks.
They all hide in separate sacks.

The police enter the barn and upon seeing the sacks, kick the first one containing the redhead.
The redhead says “Woof!”.
“Nothing in here but a dog sarge” says the constable. “We’d better move on”.


They kick the sack containing the brunette.
Miaow!” she says.
“Nothing in here but a cat sarge. Better move on”.

They kick the sack containing the blonde and
the blonde says …
Potatoes!”