Archive for the ‘Couple’ Category

Anniversary joke – 1th wedding anniversary

Posted on March 18th, 2012 by admin  |  No Comments »

Couple funny picture

funny woman vs man

Anniversary joke

Anniversary joke – 1th wedding anniversary

John wants to get his beautiful wife, Emma, something nice for their first wedding anniversary.
So he decides to buy her a mobile telephone.
Emma is excited, she loves her phone.
John shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone.
On Monday Emma goes shopping in the local supermarket.

Her phone rings and it’s her husband:
- ‘Hi ya, Emma, ‘he says, ‘how do you like your new phone?’
- ‘I just love it, it’s so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one feature that I really don’t understand though.’
-’What’s that, Emma?’ asks the husband.
- ‘How did you know that I was at Wal-Mart?’

Men Women Jokes – The man guide to female english

Posted on March 16th, 2012 by admin  |  No Comments »

Men Women funny pic

men women funny pic

Men Women Jokes

Men Women Jokes – The man guide to female english

We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure…Go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not over reacting! = I’ve got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]


Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
Was that the baby?= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Genie Joke – Make a wish

Posted on March 12th, 2012 by admin  |  No Comments »

Genie funny image

funny genie

Genie Joke

Genie Joke – Make a wish

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said:
- “OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said:
- “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said:
- “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel!! No, think of another
wish.”


The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said:
- “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women….know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment….know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’….know how to make them truly happy….”

The genie asked:
-”Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?”

25th wedding anniversary joke

Posted on March 10th, 2012 by admin  |  No Comments »

Wedding anniversary funny picture

wedding anniversary funny picture

25th wedding anniversary joke

Sadie and Benny were both 65 years old and were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.

When all the family and guests had left their house, a fairy appeared from nowhere and said to them:
- “Congratulations, you two. I’m here to grant you both one wish each.”
Sadie said, “I want to travel around the world.”

The fairy waved her magic wand and POW – Sadie had tickets in her hand for a round the world cruise on a Cunard liner.


Then the fairy asked Benny what he wanted. Benny replied:
- “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.”

So the fairy picked up her wand and POW – Benny was 95 years old.

Joke of the day – Married to a twin

Posted on February 29th, 2012 by admin  |  No Comments »

Picture of the day

funny twin picture


Joke of the day

Joke of the day – Married to a twin

Dan married one of a pair of identical twins.

Less than a year later he was in court filing for a divorce.

- “Tell the court why you want a divorce,” the judge said.

- “Well, Your Honor,” Dan started, “every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical, sometimes I’d end up making love to her by mistake.”

-”Surely there must be some difference between the two women,” the judge said.

- “Exactly, Your Honor. That’s why I want the divorce!”

Husband and wife joke – Newly married couple

Posted on September 3rd, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Husband and wife joke – Newly married couple

funny mariage image

Husband and wife joke

Husband and wife joke – Newly married couple

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife:
- “Honey, I’ll be right back.”
- “Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.
- “I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said:
- “You want a beer, my love?”
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was:
- “Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar… you know… they have frozen glasses… “

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying:
- “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said:
- “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
- “You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.


- “But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”
- “You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?… “LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR GOD DAMN BEER IN YOUR F*CKING FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F*CKING HORS D’OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A F*CKING BAR! THAT SH*T IS OVER…GOT IT, AS*HOLE?”
…and, they lived happily ever after. Isn’t that a sweet story.

Husband and wife joke – Couple stop talking

Posted on August 20th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Husband and wife joke – Stop talking

couple angry at each other

Husband and wife joke

Husband and wife joke – Stop talking

Following an argument, a newly married couple stop talking.

No one wants to break the silence.

Suddenly the husband remembers that he has to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to catch a train for an important business trip.

He takes a piece of paper and writes:
- Wake me up at 5 :00,I have a train to catch.


And he places it within her eyesight.

The next day he wakes up at 9 :00 all furious.

He notices a paper near his bed :
- Wake up it’s 5:00 !

Birthday joke – Inexpected birthday gift

Posted on August 18th, 2011 by admin  |  No Comments »

Birthday joke – Inexpected birthday gift

Funny Birthday image

Birthday joke

Birthday joke – Inexpected birthday gift

A man named Bill woke up on his birthday.
His wife and kids didn’t even say good morning to him. So, he left for work in a huff.

His receptionist, Joanna, said happy birthday.
- “Thanks, Joanna. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day.”


Bill relied, pleased. So he worked until his lunch break, when Joanna asked if he fancied a lunch.
Instead of taking their usual lunch just outside, they went to a big beautiful bistro.
- ” My apartment is just around the corner. Would you like to visit?” Joanna asked.
- “Sure, why not?” Bill replied.

At her apartment, Bill sat down on the couch. Joanna said she’d be right back and stepped into the bedroom.
Minutes later, she came back out followed by Bills family, friends, and co-workers.
Bill just sat there… naked.