Jokes about men – 10 things men won’t say

Picture about men

funny men and female

Jokes about men

Jokes about men – 10 things men won’t say

Here are 10 things men will never say:

1. Let’s watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don’t want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister’s breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.

6. I’m glad I don’t have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can’t we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
10. I’ll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.

Joke of the day – Married to a twin

Picture of the day

funny twin picture

Joke of the day

Joke of the day – Married to a twin

Dan married one of a pair of identical twins.

Less than a year later he was in court filing for a divorce.

– “Tell the court why you want a divorce,” the judge said.

– “Well, Your Honor,” Dan started, “every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical, sometimes I’d end up making love to her by mistake.”

-“Surely there must be some difference between the two women,” the judge said.

– “Exactly, Your Honor. That’s why I want the divorce!”

Joke of the day – The golf ball

Funny pic – The cow

humour cow

Joke of the day

Joke of the day – The golf ball

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.

He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow’s tail and asked, “Does this look like yours?”

That was the last thing he could remember.

Bunny joke – Do you sell cheese?

Funny Bunny image

funny bunny image

Bunny joke

A bunny hops into a hardware store munching a carrot. He stares at the owner for a minute and then he asks him:
– “Do you sell cheese?”
– “No, I don’t sell cheese”
– “ok, thanks” and he hops away

The bunny comes back an hour later
– “Do you sell cheese?”
– “Noooo, I don’t sell cheese!”
– “ok, thanks” and he hops away again

An hour later he comes back:
– “Do you sell cheese?”
– “ok, thanks” and he hops off.

He comes back an hour later:
– “Do you sell nails?”
– “Do you sell cheese?”

Boss and secretary jokes

Boss and secretary funny image

funny boss image

Boss and secretary jokes

Tell me a good news !!

A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”

“Why do you ALWAYS have to give me bad news? he complained. “Tell me some GOOD news for a change.”

“All right. Here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re NOT sterile!”

Private secretary

Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office.

Nancy, his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him, a month ago.

“After my very first week on the job,” Nancy said, “I received a raise. At the end of the second week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said, ‘These are for a beautiful efficient secretary.’

“At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost.”

“I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, he could have it for just 500 bucks, although I was charging all the other guys in the office one thousand. That’s when he jumped out the window.”

Cute Joke – A kid late for school

Funny picture

Funny picture – Funny school bus

funny school bus

Cute Joke

Cute Joke – A kid late for school

The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.

The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school.

They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn.

This went on for 20 minutes – but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.

The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a circle.

The child explained:
– “That’s the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It’s the only way I know.”

Polar bear jokes

Funny polar bears pictures

funny polar bear

Polar bear jokes

Polar bear and an igloo

What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
– “Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside – with a nice chewy center!”

Polar bears and camping

What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?

A baby polar bear

One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, – “Mom? Am I a polar bear?”
– “Well of course son!”

The cub replied:
-“You’re sure I’m not a panda bear or a black bear?”

-“No, of course not. Now run outside and play.”

But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.

The cub asks:
-“Dad, am I a polar bear?”

– “Why of course son!” the papa polar bear gruffly replies.

The cub continues:
– “I don’t have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?”

– “No son. I’m a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?”

-“Because I’m freezing my BUTT off!!”

School Joke – A philosophy joke

School funny picture

funny dog and cat

School Joke

School Joke – A philosophy joke

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
-“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words:
-“What chair?”