Tag Archives: Couple

Anniversary joke – 1th wedding anniversary

Couple funny picture

funny woman vs man

Anniversary joke

Anniversary joke – 1th wedding anniversary

John wants to get his beautiful wife, Emma, something nice for their first wedding anniversary.
So he decides to buy her a mobile telephone.
Emma is excited, she loves her phone.
John shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone.
On Monday Emma goes shopping in the local supermarket.

Her phone rings and it’s her husband:
– ‘Hi ya, Emma, ‘he says, ‘how do you like your new phone?’
– ‘I just love it, it’s so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one feature that I really don’t understand though.’
-‘What’s that, Emma?’ asks the husband.
– ‘How did you know that I was at Wal-Mart?’

Men Women Jokes – The man guide to female english

Men Women funny pic

men women funny pic

Men Women Jokes

Men Women Jokes – The man guide to female english

We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure…Go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not over reacting! = I’ve got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]

Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
Was that the baby?= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Husband and wife joke – Couple stop talking

Husband and wife joke – Stop talking

couple angry at each other

Husband and wife joke

Husband and wife joke – Stop talking

Following an argument, a newly married couple stop talking.

No one wants to break the silence.

Suddenly the husband remembers that he has to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to catch a train for an important business trip.

He takes a piece of paper and writes:
– Wake me up at 5 :00,I have a train to catch.

And he places it within her eyesight.

The next day he wakes up at 9 :00 all furious.

He notices a paper near his bed :
– Wake up it’s 5:00 !

Birthday joke – Inexpected birthday gift

Birthday joke – Inexpected birthday gift

Funny Birthday image

Birthday joke

Birthday joke – Inexpected birthday gift

A man named Bill woke up on his birthday.
His wife and kids didn’t even say good morning to him. So, he left for work in a huff.

His receptionist, Joanna, said happy birthday.
– “Thanks, Joanna. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day.”

Bill relied, pleased. So he worked until his lunch break, when Joanna asked if he fancied a lunch.
Instead of taking their usual lunch just outside, they went to a big beautiful bistro.
– ” My apartment is just around the corner. Would you like to visit?” Joanna asked.
– “Sure, why not?” Bill replied.

At her apartment, Bill sat down on the couch. Joanna said she’d be right back and stepped into the bedroom.
Minutes later, she came back out followed by Bills family, friends, and co-workers.
Bill just sat there… naked.

Divorced Barbie – Divorce Joke

Divorced Barbie – Divorce Joke

barbie funny image

Divorce Joke

Divorce Joke- Divorced Barbie

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.

– “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds:
– “Which Barbie?
We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95,
Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95,
Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95,
Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95,
Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95,
and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.”

The guy asks:
– “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?”

– “That’s obvious,” the assistant states,
“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…..”

Senior citizens jokes – Sex nearly 100 years old

Senior citizens jokes – Sex nearly 100 years old

Funny senior couple

Senior citizens jokes

Senior citizens jokes – Sex nearly 100 years old

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, a girl goes straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother.

When she asks how her grandfather died, her grandmother replies:
– “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, the girl says:
– “Two people nearly 100 years old having sex! Surely that’s asking for trouble?”

– “Oh no, my dear,” replies granny.
“Many years ago we realizing we should slow down.
We found the best time to do it was just as the church bells start to ring.
They have just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

Wiping away a tear she continues:
– “and if that god dam ice cream van hadn’t showed up, he’d still be alive today!”